I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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