I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
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take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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