she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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