At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
