I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
