Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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