Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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