but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.