yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?