would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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