So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.