I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
