I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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