you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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