I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
