just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
