I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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