Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
