Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
