We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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