i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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