We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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