I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
