hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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