dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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