I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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