Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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