You can't motorboat a personality
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
