Umm I'm too high to move.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
