life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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