i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize