I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
