We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
