mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We got so high we made milksteak
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
