she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
