Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
