I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
