YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
is wine microwaveable?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
