My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
