just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to align my fucking chakras
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
