For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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