6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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