i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
