'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
