woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
