I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
