I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Boobs are out for the taking
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
