Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
