so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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