i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
