Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I need moral support for this bender
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
