I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
