So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
