I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
