perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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