who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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