You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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