Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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