We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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