Did you just see the Batmobile???
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
