Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
