Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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