You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
