don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
