I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
