no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
