I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
