I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
