Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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