yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He felt like a one man threesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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