Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
